Jobs R Us??

I admit it.

I hate my new job.

With every ounce and fiber of my being.

Old job:  Worked from home (that was a joke) two days a week – Thursday and Friday.  Job responsibilities:  mind numbing tasks.  Note however this was completely and totally overlooked for the work from home benefit.

New Job:  Up to now, hell on earth.  In work, downtown every.single.day.  Must be in by 8:30 cannot leave until 5:00.  Pros however:  more pay (which begs to ask:  who in the HELL cares how long you are there if you are getting the job done – but I digress), bonus opportunities, more visibility, blah ,blah, blah.

I miss my baby.  I miss my big kids.  I miss not having to decide if it’s more important to not cause shit level drama over taking what is perceived as another day off (note that I have 4 weeks of vacation – I guess I’m not suppose to take it) versus going to see my 9 year old be a female Abe Lincoln.  I miss being able to come and go when I wanted and have no one paying attention to me.

Yet again, I am reminded that I do not need to make decisions alone.

Yet again I am reminded that my will and my desires are not always right.

Oh don’t get me wrong.  I labored over this decision – I sought counsel and in the end, of course, I did what wanted.  Why?  Because we NEED more money.  Money to pay off the debt that I drove up while I was umm…otherwise occupied from my sanity.  I feel a sense of serious obligation to pay this debt off and this job will make it easier and quicker to do so (like maybe in 5-7 years versus the not a chance in hell I was previously looking at).

Yes.  It was that much.

And then, in the end I remember one of the main reasons why I took this position.  It’s scary for me to be at home alone all day…with my thoughts…with my superb personal decision making skills.

I know this.

I have yet however to accept it fully.

Doesn’t mean I have to like it.

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