You’ve Got To Be Kidding Right???

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Random (and sometimes not so random) musings from a life that sometimes is but often times is NOT amusing….

One Month

One Month – thirty (or thirty one, or even 28) days.  Doesn’t seem like long does it?  I mean think of it, do you remember what you were doing thirty days ago?  Unless there was a significant life event then most likely you remember the general ebb and flow of life but the specifics, not so much.  

In sobriety, success is counted in months.  To begin with it’s counted in days.  At the very beginning it’s counted in hours.  But let there be no mistake that first month (and for several after that as well) takes FOREVER.  As in:  

Tick.

Fly around the world twice and land in Paris.

Tock.

Plan how you would build the Eiffel Tower.

Tick.

Obtain all the materials needed for said building to commence.

Tock.

Build the thing, with all associated delays.  

Finally though, you will finish, time moving at a snails pace for sure, but you will finish.  

 It’s painful to lose a part of your life suddenly.  It’s scary not knowing how to live life in a new reality – even if it’s one that you lived before.  It’s hard to hear things like: ” Aren’t you over this yet?” or my all time favorite: ” Let’s all go out and party.”  (Party?  You’ve Got To Be Kidding Right?  ((shameless working in of blog name!)) Are you serious?  How am I supposed to do THAT?)  But you must go on, you must do the thing you thought that you could not do, you must take the hours and make days, which finally string together a month.  Why?  Because there really is no other choice – you do not yet know for sure that in time the memories won’t be quite as vivid, not as fresh.  Don’t misunderstand, you will remember them some of them you will remember with laughter and clarity and yet others you’ll choose to forget and not wish to discuss.  All of those things will build who you are.  You will be a different person, yet in ways stronger.  You will be a different person, but yet in ways weaker – you will know that everything doesn’t happen for a reason and that sometimes the control that we ALL seek will elude you.  You will, in time, come to the realization that ridiculous comments are just that, ridiculous comments.  That they might make people feel better they do nothing for you and that you have to move on.  You will learn that you must learn let go.  You will choose to not let what happened define YOU – the you that is still there, even if it’s only a fragment of who you are right now.     

You learn at the beginning to keep it simple.  You’ll make mistakes, you’ll stumble, yet you will string together those hours, days, and months.  You will realize that you are still you.    

 Deep inside.

 Where it counts.

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2 Responses

  1. Leslie says:

    Rock on, girl. Rock on.

  2. mariah says:

    You are very brave for taking the steps and sticking to it. God for you. I am new here, so I don’t know the whole story, but I enjoy chatting with you on Twitter

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